Archives for April 2020

In mid-April I had the privilege of “attending” the Virtual Heartbeat Conference put together by Heartbeat International – the most expansive network of pro-life pregnancy resource centers in the world. The event was to be held in Seattle which, for a small nonprofit with not a lot of funds – an absolute plus. Long story short it was scrapped – sort of. However, they decided their information was too valuable not to share. So they went virtual. And it worked. It was a fantastic experience and as a ‘first timer’ I was blown away by the sheer amount of prolife voices coming together. It was humbling. And to think I am one of them – yea.

Over the next few weeks or so I’ll try and share some of what I learned and what I hope to embed in our own center here in Lynnwood. One of the talks that made an impression I had not initially chosen to attend. And it was just chance I stumbled into the ‘workshop’. It was titled “Empowering the Single Mother” and it was presented by Shannon DeGarmo, author of a few books including “Ignite”, “Single Moms 101” and “The Bounce Back Woman”. Shannon’s talk centered on the inner workings of a single mom. What goes through their mind as they go about their day? The night? What thoughts occupy their waking and sleeping minds? How do those thoughts impact them as people and as mothers?And lastly how can we as people of faith who minister to the unborn, the unplanned, the alone – help?

I’ll start with some shared statistics that are as startling as they are heartbreaking. I looked up some as well and this hit pretty much up and down the board – these are from SingleMotherguide.com

80% of single parent homes are led by single mothers and a third of those live in poverty. That’s a big number.

4 out of 10 babies are born to unwed mothers and two thirds of those are born to moms under 30 years old.

13.9% graduated high school and 34% have a college degree. Those numbers by contrast are awfully small.

But even deeper than those numbers, for me, were the revelations about the psychological and neurological impacts on these girls.

In general, single parenting aside, only 2%-4% of women think they are beautiful and three-fourths of women with low self-esteem engage in negative behaviors.

The effects of low self-esteem are far-reaching and hard to break free from. Socially withdrawn, self-neglect, not trusting themselves, and an expectation of little or no improvement in life to name a few. We know this – as women, as mothers with daughters. The consequences of low self-esteem can be devastating in so many ways. So now picture those same negative thoughts running rampant through the mind of a young single mother.

A whopping 75% of single moms scored in the mildly depressed range. What can we do? Relationships matter. What we think of ourselves matter. What we think our children think of us matters. How can we help?

There were some beautiful verses that came to mind that touched on this –

‘Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.” – Matthew 10:29-31 NIV

“For I know the thought I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV

How can we live these words for those among us who are alone yet never alone? A child can fill in holes and bring light to her mother’s eyes but she is but a child demanding of her mother at all times.

The isolation of single parenting is profound. I can say that with much certainty as I was once a single parent myself. Happiness hinging on a child is an unrealistic burden. The realization you are not whole can make it hard to move forward.

You are not meant to do this on your own. We say that on our Next Step website. We are not meant to be alone. Now more than any other time in recent history has the ability to connect with others been so wholly needed and so wholly absent.

If you know a single parent – reach out.

If you are a single parent – reach out.

Peace be with you all

H Vasquez

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.”― Anne Frank

On January 20^th, 2020 the United States confirmed its first case of the Coronavirus though it had actually been in our midst long before that.  On February 29^th, the United States confirms its first death and travel restrictions are set in place.

Fast forward to March 13^th, when President Trump declares a National State of Emergency. On March 15^th, the CDC recommends restrictions on gatherings over 50 people. On March 17^th, France locks down restricting arrivals and departures out of the country and on March 23^rd, Britain does the same. On March 27th, President Trump signs the $2 trillion dollar Coronavirus Stimulus bill and on March 30^th, states began enacting “Stay at Home” orders for the public.

It took just over two months for the virus (and the fear) to spread throughout our communities and grab hold placing a stranglehold on our economy, our livelihood, and our societal norms. And worse than that – the feeling that there is no end in sight continues to plague our daily lives.

So what can we do? As a society? A family? An individual? I’ll tell you – FIGHT.

This coming from a Supreme Allied Commander in Europe (1951-1952), Army Chief of Staff (1945-1948), Military Governor in Occupied Germany (1945). His military career spanned from 1915-1953 and more spanning two World Wars among others.

Pessimism; an inclination to emphasize adverse aspects, conditions, and possibilities or to expect the worst possible outcome. (Merriam-Webster)

In other words, without hope.

Sitting here in my little office at Next Step Pregnancy Services in the quiet afternoon, having seen a few moms come in for some essentials I wonder about Eisenhower’s sentiment and if we, or even just me, are fighting the fight or assuming the worst is yet to come. And I am happy to report – it is the latter.

From the donations coming in, to the tiny staff still opening our doors, to the letter my daughter wrote to a checker at our local grocery store thanking him for his work, to the laughter and excitement each morning as our whole school gathers for our daily Zoom Prayer and Pledge, to the neighbors gathering supplies to deliver to the homebound who have no help, from the long walks in the warm afternoon light with just our tiny family of three, to the endless board games and calls to Grandma. And finally to the Sunday morning live-stream of Mass  (in our pjs) and the knowledge that our fellow Christians are all gathered around their respective devices praying together, listening together, being together for the sacredness of the Mass. I guess I could go on but I think you get it.

This is not the end. For every lousy news clip or tragic soundbite or every bout of complaining and bashing of our leaders by our leaders, for every opinion shoved in our face, TP hoarding meme, and ultimatum sent our way, for every cancelled event and every missed opportunity – I say this is not the end.

Because we are still here and still fighting and still coming up with new ways to connect with each other, to help each other, to see each other. Not in person but in the writings and pictures, the stories of helping and looking out for one another. In creative lesson plans our teachers are coming up with, to the conversations we are having with our spouses and our children, to the prayers we are saying to each other and for each other, to the rooms we are finally cleaning, to the walks we are finally taking and finally to playing in the backyard with the old badminton set from a long ago Christmas. We’re still here and we will still be here long after this has passed. And I believe we will come out of this a better people. More attuned to what’s really important in our lives. Because that’s who we are. So is this virus a blessing or a curse? For some it’s a sad, hard time especially if someone you love has been lost or is ill. And we mourn with those people. For others it’s a time to gather close together as a family, to slow down, and really see each other. Light always makes its way out of darkness. In every story, every picture, every prayer. This time will be no different.