
Recently I saw a comment and discussion making the rounds on social media that caught my eye. I try very hard not to get sucked into “conversations” with strangers on the internet or to allow myself to react to foolish people. And I did not engage here either but I did read the post and the subsequent comments. I wanted to share with you what I concluded.
The gist of the post (which originated from Lila Rose, President and Founder of LiveAction, a pro-life organization) was on the morality of offering someone congratulations on a pregnancy which occurred out of wedlock. I paused here because it landed very close to home. Not only in my work at Next Step but in my own personal story.
My first child was born out of wedlock. I was not married to her father nor was I necessarily planning to marry him any time soon. At the time he was unfortunately trapped by addiction (and still is to my knowledge). You might ask, well why be with someone who is clearly not capable of being in a committed relationship let alone being a father? Good question. Well, I have no answer other than I was young, naive, and wholly without a realistic view on love, marriage, or responsibility.
When I found out I was pregnant I was understandably terrified. I was raised in a good Catholic home and my parents were good people (still are!). How could I face them with this? I had been completely and utterly irresponsible. The first person I told however was not my parents, nor my on again off again boyfriend but a priest whom I knew from the church we attended. He also ran the young adult Catholic group I’d been circling. It was as the group was walking out of a local dive in Renton following a rousing conversation that I dropped my huge news on his lap. He smiled, nodded, and said – “Oh. What a blessing.” And that was that.
I talked to my mother next and then my father. They expressed their joy at the prospect of a child. They gently chided me and “wished it were under different circumstances”. But then they leaned into it. And I leaned into them.
A baby is always a blessing no matter how he or she came into our world. Every person was placed here on earth on purpose for a purpose.
Back to the original post. At Next Step every day young women come in that have a child or are pregnant. And sometimes they come alone though many times the father of the baby is with her though they are unmarried. As a professed Christian sex outside of marriage is not the path God shaped for any of us. And that road is not what Next Step promotes or hopes for. But we meet every woman no matter what. No matter why. No matter her past or current circumstances because we are called to love.
My baby is turning 25 this year. She was a surprise and a delight. Things were not easy and not smooth. The road ahead was often obscured. But I’ve never forgotten the gentle acknowledgement and encouragement I was surrounded by at my news. It shaped such a large part of what came after, not just as a mother, but as a person. Had I been shunned, or rebuked by my parents and loved ones, I’m 100% sure I would not be here today. Or here in happiness and commitment anyway. And that is what we work hard to offer at Next Step. Acknowledgment, Encouragement. Education. Rest. Truth.
Thank you for continuing to help Next Step thrive.
~ Heather Vasquez