“God chooses ordinary men for fatherhood to accomplish his extraordinary plan.”
~ G.K. Chesterton
As we came upon another Father’s Day I kicked around ideas on what to talk about. My own father (awesome guy that he is), the lack of a father my daughters have in their young lives, the significance of fathers. What?
Then I realized what had been weighing on my heart were the fathers of aborted children. Fathers who, though required to take part in creating life, were thus shunted out of the story if the mother decided she did not, in fact, want the natural result of their union.
This reminded me of something I’d seen years ago and then more recently on a post by Lila Rose on X. In season 6 of the HBO television series, Girls, created in 2012, there is a scene that really, really, struck a chord with me.
The series itself was not always, in fact not usually at all, a very moral program (which begs the question why did I watch it but I’ll say this – we are all human!) and a lot of its characters, though complex at times, showed themselves to be less than principled individuals.
The series centered around a group of ‘friends’, guys and girls, in their mid-late twenties and the various life changes they faced.
There was however one character that I did appreciate. His name was Adam and he was played by, well, Adam. Adam Driver. Who was a bit of an unknown at the time. His portrayal of ‘Adam’ was sarcastic, goofy, and passionate. Imperfect. And vulnerable.
So back to season 6, episode 8 titled “What Will We Do This Time About Adam?”.
Long story short, the young woman Adam is dating at the time, Mimi, another series regular, informs Adam that she cannot “go for a run” because she “had an abortion yesterday.” She goes on to nonchalantly explain that she can’t “take a bath or have intercourse” for “about a week”. Adam, after a pause of obvious confusion, finally realizes what Mimi has said. His first question, sadly, is, “Was it mine?” to which she answers, “Of course.”
The fact that these are two unmarried individuals engaging in casual enough sex to require that clarification is sad enough.
At this point Adam physically distances himself from Mimi, obvious pain all over his face. She then states rather indifferently that she is trying to “be more open with her boyfriends.” which is why she told him about the abortion rather than keeping it to herself. He asks her “How many abortions have you had?” to which she answers, “I’m not going to share that with you because it is private. I’m not gonna ask you how many girls you’ve gotten pregnant.”
To which Adam replies, “None. It’s not private. I’ve gotten no girls pregnant. Until you. Now.”
Adam angrily knocks a bunch of stuff off a nearby table. His pain at hearing such news is clearly etched on his face. He continues to desperately question her about the procedure. Who did it? Who did she go with? Was it a boy or a girl? To which Mimi answers in a very offhanded, almost amused, manner.
He asks, “Isn’t this a decision people typically make together?” by which she asks a question of her own, “So you wanted a baby?” “Maybe.” he says. “People have done crazier things!” Mimi goes onto expound on all the reasons it would not have worked. No money. No place to raise “it”. “We barely know each other.” and on and on.
His extreme anguish is palpable. The scene ends. Driver’s acting was spot on I have to say.
I think what stood out to me so much was the evident grief Adam shows upon learning his girlfriend has aborted his child without any say so or knowledge on his part. He looks, speaks, and radiates devastation.
How many men have experienced this? How many men have had the “rug yanked out from under them” so to speak? If you think about it, for every child that is aborted, there is a father who has lost his child. Granted there are some men that are the instigators of such an act. Who pressure and coerce. Who abandon.
But I’d wager there are a fair number of men who, like Adam, are blindsided by such vitriol. And staggered by such indifference. And paralyzed by such helplessness.
For some context, in Planned Parenthood v. Casey (1992), the Supreme Court found unconstitutional a Pennsylvania statute requiring a woman to inform the biological father of a planned abortion. This created the “undue burden” prong of the key judgment in Casey. Paternal notification was unconstitutional if it placed an undue burden on the woman seeking an abortion
Then, in June of 2022 when Roe was overturned, Dobbs did not explicitly address paternal rights or the father’s role in abortion decisions. In 2025, in WA state, as well as every other state where abortion is still legal, an abortion can be obtained for any reason and at any age (of the mother) and the mother is not legally required to let anyone know, even the father of the child. Currently the father has zero rights when it comes to the termination of his child.
That is another aspect of the devastation that abortion causes.
Some men. No, scratch that, most men, do not want this. It goes against every masculine instinct. “The truth is, the world doesn’t hate masculinity. It hates men who don’t bow.” (@turnedhousewife).
Men who show pain and suffering . Men who question and support. Men who stand beside and not behind women.
“Real masculinity is not oppression. It’s provision. It’s protection. It’s restraint. It’s the man who goes without so his family doesn’t have to. It’s the man who stands in front when danger comes.” (@turnedhousewife, X, 05/10/2025)
You can and I encourage you to watch the video clip on X I refer to from the series. That, Adam’s anguish, is what abortion does to men. https://x.com/LilaGraceRose/status/1929922920018784603
On this Father’s Day I say thank you, to my pop, Rich Buyce, and all the fathers, and grandfathers, out there. And to those who were robbed of fatherhood – know that we see you. We pray for you. And stand with you. ~ Heather Vasquez
Insert Gala Plug – Saturday September 20th, Edmonds.
Be there or be square!
