As I was cleaning out my old filing cabinet in my home office / older daughter’s bedroom I came across an old paper I wrote back when I was still in school working towards my Bachelors degree in Human Services Management probably circa 2008 or 2009. It was titled “Single Parent Advocacy” and as I read it over, complete with penciled comments and grammar fixes courtesy of my then instructor I was struck by my own insights into single parent statistics and research and what I thought needed to be ‘done about it’. As some of you may know I was (and still am) a single mother myself so I felt ‘justified’ in making judgements. Little did I imagine over 12 or 13 years later where I would be working.
I cited a few single parent statistics and to be honest as I look at some of the same studies now, well, I can’t say things are trending in a positive way. In my paper, back in 1998 I noted there were “7.7 million single mothers maintaining their own household and most of these mothers, 69% to be exact, had no other adult in the home to help them.” (Census Bureau, 2000).
Now, well, in 2023 anyway, the Census Bureau noted that there were “15.18 million families headed by a single mother” and that trend seems to be matching current 2026 analyses as well. About “80% of those households are headed by the mother and about 66% of those households have no other adult living with them.” (Census Bureau, 2026)
But the bulk of my paper was not about the number of single parent households there were but about much needed advocacy and understanding for and towards the “circumstances” of single parents. The innards for lack of a better word.
The study I went over asked a panel of single parents (most of which were mothers) to list their most “pervasive need”. Not surprisingly things like finances, kids medical and dental care, household tasks, and meeting the emotional needs of the child(ren) were among the top responses. None of these things related to the emotional wellbeing of the parent yet when asked “86% of the parents could relate to the statement: “I feel isolated from other people – like I’m the only one who really cares about what’s going on in my life and with my children.”
I could not believe how closely this statement resembled my own feelings as a single parent.
I vividly recall picnicking with my daughter, going to the zoo, the park, the library. Trying to inject joy and presence into my child’s days. A lot of times the single parent does these things alone, without a partner or a companion to enjoy these activities and outings with. Yet they (we) do these things to feel normal, to feel included, to “make it up to her/his kid”. To make up for the lack because it is a lack when the other parent is missing, for whatever reason. It’s a missing piece no matter how you look at it.
Society’s picture of a single parent is at times presented in a false light. Low income, possible alcohol and/or drug use, multiple partners, unemployment. In reality the average single parent works full time and spends her or his time doing the same things any parent would do.
Helping her with homework and making dinner, reading bedtime stories, doing housework. Yet again they do these things without the support of a spouse or “second parent”.
I believed then and I still believe that single parents are a steadily rising population that require more attention, respect, compassion, and understanding. No matter the reasons for their ‘predicament’.
Only God can truly know one’s heart.
The face of the family unit is changing and has been. And I am not saying it’s ok. It’s not. But it is a reality. Our reality. My reality when I was 22. And there are reasons and cultural shifts and failings and any number of other fallacies in our society that have caused this end result where there are children without fathers and in some cases, mothers.
I’m not here to debate that.
It is mothers and fathers going it alone for a myriad of reasons and circumstances.
Although many resources are out there to assist financially or with job placement and even basic needs of food and shelter, those things are unlikely to provide anything deeper.
Anything that touches on the inner sense of isolation, guilt, loneliness, fatigue, worthlessness, and anxiety of a parent simply surviving from one day to the next.
There are programs that do in fact strive to bind these wounds. I will highlight one in particular that, had I known about it when I was a young single mother, oh how different things may have been.
Founded in Texas in 2012 – Its called Embrace Grace. https://www.embracegrace.com/
Their mission? To inspire and equip the church to love on single and pregnant young women and their families. And their vision? For every girl with an unplanned pregnancy to have a church to go to for spiritual, emotional, and physical support.
I’ve since been to an Embrace Grace meeting and it was a beautiful representation of Christ’s love for His children and His children’s children. Tenderness, attentiveness, intentional gifts, words and prayers. All for a young woman and her child, in the womb and without. No guilt, no fault, no ‘brave faces’ required. Just reassurance of community and prayer.
Unfortunately there are not many Embrace Grace Groups North of Seattle. The one I visited and will be visiting again is well South of downtown. And there is an Embrace Group for fathers as well – called Embrace Legacy. Is there one around here? Nope.
Like Next Step, programs like Embrace Grace need someone to take up the cross, and create the space. Like so many essential intentional ministries – it just takes one person to see a need and step forward. Because we need it. Single parents need it.
I needed it.
If this has touched you in any way I encourage you to check out their website and look at the details to start a group. I would be more than happy to offer the Next Step clinic as a home base for an Embrace Grace ministry.
P.S. Save the Date!
The Next Step Pregnancy Services Gala is on Saturday September 19th in Edmonds.
Invitations and registration coming mid-July.
If you are interested in providing an item, experience, or dessert for our Auction
or by being one of our event sponsors please – drop me a line!
heather@nextstepnw.com
