My earliest memories of my father, my pop, are of him on the driveway, in a white undershirt, listening to Led Zeppelin, tools in hand, under a car. Other memories include him setting up our pop-top trailer in the rain, trips to the junk yard to “play”, home movies on the old 8mm projector, and him building our swing set complete with white hot melt the skin metal slide. I had a very enjoyable childhood and cannot recall a time I did not feel loved, safe, and wanted.
I know that is not the case for so many children and that loss is deeply evident. What is also deeply evident is how very vital fathers are to their children and to society as a whole.
In 2025 there was a study done by an organization called the “Vitae Foundation”. The foundation is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that uses behavioral research to develop pro-life messaging strategies. For over 30 years these guys have been researching the emotional dynamics behind abortion decision-making. Some really cool stuff.
The study was called “A Few Good Men” and was done back in 2025. The motivation behind this was as significant as the results themselves. The past 11 studies they’d done interviewing women had found that men play a significant role in decisions to choose abortion. So how do men emotionally perceive unexpected pregnancies and abortions?
Vitae began their study by interviewing three segments of men.
1) Men who had faced an unexpected pregnancy and told their girlfriend/wife: “I’ll support you, whatever you choose.”
2) Men who had faced unexpected pregnancy and took a stronger position: “I want you to have an abortion” or “I want you to have the child.”
3) Men who had not previously faced an unexpected pregnancy/abortion.
There were several questions Vitae came up with that they hoped would be answered via the study. In the interest of space I won’t list them out here but will touch on two of them.
“What is the man’s perception of his influence on the woman’s decision when facing an unexpected pregnancy/abortion decision?”
“Why do men say: “I’ll support you either way” when facing an unexpected pregnancy?”
Both these questions stood out to me because of what I have seen the times, which are not as few as you may expect, men have accompanied women into Next Step for a confirmatory test and/or ultrasound. How they act. What they say. Or don’t say. Their reactions to a positive result and a beating heart.
Regarding his ‘perception’ of his influence over whether or not to move forward with a pregnancy most of the participants felt it “primarily a woman’s decision”. That he has no “right” to make the final decision because at the end of the day “she is the one carrying the baby and has to go through the difficulties of pregnancy.” Despite how the situation arose (“it takes two to make a baby”).
However, almost all participants, ideally, wanted to have the opportunity to help make the decision – together.
In the case of the commonly used line. “I’ll support whatever decision you make”, the study found that while most men truly desired to ‘support’ the woman, what that support looked like was up for debate. A few genuinely believed it to be the most supportive thing to say while most fully recognized that it unfairly placed the whole burden of the decision upon the women’s back. Others stated it seemed “like a way to avoid responsibility” but they also admitted a desire to avoid conflict and aggression.
There were many more very telling and not especially surprising outcomes of the study. But I wanted to share some of the ‘implications’ as well. These suggestions are an essential starting point for how the results of this type of study can be utilized.
Guide men in understanding that despite the burden of the pregnancy falling on the woman, it’s their privilege to help shoulder that burden and support her.
Understand man’s self-perceived readiness, identify gaps, address concerns, show support–empower men to believe they are capable of having and supporting a child.
Frame fatherhood as meaningful and fulfilling.
And finally, reprogram men’s responses from “I’ll support you, whatever you choose” to other, truly supportive statements such as:
“I don’t know what this looks like but I will help you be the best mother you can be, and I will be the best father I can be.”
“I will help, provide, love (you and/or our child).”
“We have a good support system (family).”
“We will figure this out together. You are not alone in this.”
“I know this wasn’t the plan, but we’ll make a plan.” “I’m not going anywhere.”
I know this is a lot of info and I tried to narrow it down. It was an extensive study! I did include the link to the study and I highly encourage you to check it out. https://
Back to my pop, like I said, I have an awesome dad so I know how good it can be. Growing up he was present, committed, practical, safe, and no matter what was happening, I knew my dad would protect me and our family.
The role of a man is vital to the well-being, health, self-worth, and happiness of his child as well as the mother of his child.
Men need to believe that.
And that charge falls to us. All of us who believe it. There is something so fundamental about the role of a man and the way his presence encircles the family.
As the mother is the center, the heart, the father is the shelter – the home.
Thank you for your unfailing support for our work here at Next Step Pregnancy Services
If anything I said resonated with you please let me know. Especially if you are a man, a father, interested in seeing how your experience and expertise can help guide the young men who come into Next Step.
Quiet and nervous, unsure of themselves and their place in this moment. Their place is with their emerging family.
Happy Father’s Day to all those who are Fathers, Grandfathers, adoptive Fathers, and Father figures.
And of course most especially to my pop, Rich Buyce, best dad ever! Love, your kid
P.S. Save the Date!
The Next Step Pregnancy Services Gala is on September 19th at Holy Rosary in Edmonds. Invitations and registration available mid-July.
You are cordially invited!
P.P.S. Vote! Vote! Vote!
Next Step is on the ballot! Please vote for us in the Best of the PNW! https://www.votethepnw.com/
Look for the following main categories:
Health&Beauty → Women’s Clinic
Services → Non-Profit Organizations.