“God chooses ordinary men for fatherhood to accomplish his extraordinary plan.”
~ G.K. Chesterton

As we came upon another Father’s Day I kicked around ideas on what to talk about. My own father (awesome guy that he is), the lack of a father my daughters have in their young lives, the significance of fathers. What?

Then I realized what had been weighing on my heart were the fathers of aborted children. Fathers who, though required to take part in creating life, were thus shunted out of the story if the mother decided she did not, in fact, want the natural result of their union. 

This reminded me of something I’d seen years ago and then more recently on a post by Lila Rose on X. In season 6 of the HBO television series, Girls, created in 2012, there is a scene that really, really, struck a chord with me.
The series itself was not always, in fact not usually at all, a very moral program (which begs the question why did I watch it but I’ll say this – we are all human!)  and a lot of its characters, though complex at times, showed themselves to be less than principled individuals. 

The series centered around a group of ‘friends’, guys and girls, in their mid-late twenties and the various life changes they faced. 

There was however one character that I did appreciate. His name was Adam and he was played  by, well, Adam. Adam Driver. Who was a bit of an unknown at the time. His portrayal of ‘Adam’ was sarcastic, goofy, and passionate. Imperfect. And vulnerable. 

So back to season 6, episode 8 titled “What Will We Do This Time About Adam?”. 

Long story short, the young woman Adam is dating at the time, Mimi, another series regular, informs Adam that she cannot “go for a run” because she “had an abortion yesterday.” She goes on to nonchalantly explain that she can’t “take a bath or have intercourse”  for “about a week”. Adam, after a pause of obvious confusion, finally realizes what Mimi has said. His first question, sadly, is, “Was it mine?” to which she answers, “Of course.”
The fact that these are two unmarried individuals engaging in casual enough sex to require that clarification is sad enough. 

At this point Adam physically distances himself from Mimi, obvious pain all over his face. She then states rather indifferently that she is trying to “be more open with her boyfriends.” which is why she told him about the abortion rather than keeping it to herself.  He asks her “How many abortions have you had?” to which she answers, “I’m not going to share that with you because it is private. I’m not gonna ask you how many girls you’ve gotten pregnant.”
To which Adam replies, “None. It’s not private. I’ve gotten no girls pregnant. Until you. Now.”

Adam angrily knocks a bunch of stuff off a nearby table. His pain at hearing such news is clearly etched on his face. He continues to desperately question her about the procedure. Who did it? Who did she go with? Was it a boy or a girl? To which Mimi answers in a very offhanded, almost amused, manner.
He asks, “Isn’t this a decision people typically make together?” by which she asks a question of her own, “So you wanted a baby?” “Maybe.” he says. “People have done crazier things!” Mimi goes onto expound on all the reasons it would not have worked. No money. No place to raise “it”. “We barely know each other.” and on and on. 

His extreme anguish is palpable. The scene ends. Driver’s acting was spot on I have to say. 

I think what stood out to me so much was the evident grief Adam shows upon learning his girlfriend has aborted his child without any say so or knowledge on his part. He looks, speaks, and radiates devastation. 

How many men have experienced this? How many men have had the “rug yanked out from under them” so to speak? If you think about it, for every child that is aborted, there is a father who has lost his child. Granted there are some men that are the instigators of such an act. Who pressure and coerce. Who abandon. 

But I’d wager there are a fair number of men who, like Adam, are blindsided by such vitriol. And staggered by such indifference. And paralyzed by such helplessness. 

For some context, in Planned Parenthood v. Casey (1992), the Supreme Court found unconstitutional a Pennsylvania statute requiring a woman to inform the biological father of a planned abortion. This created the “undue burden” prong of the key judgment in Casey. Paternal notification was unconstitutional if it placed an undue burden on the woman seeking an abortion

Then, in June of 2022 when Roe was overturned, Dobbs did not explicitly address paternal rights or the father’s role in abortion decisions. In 2025, in WA state, as well as every other state where abortion is still legal, an abortion can be obtained for any reason and at any age (of the mother) and the mother is not legally required to let anyone know, even the father of the child.  Currently the father has zero rights when it comes to the termination of his child. 

That is another aspect of the devastation that abortion causes. 

Some men. No, scratch that, most men, do not want this. It goes against every masculine instinct. “The truth is, the world doesn’t hate masculinity. It hates men who don’t bow.” (@turnedhousewife). 
Men who show pain and suffering . Men who question and support. Men who stand beside and not behind women. 

“Real masculinity is not oppression. It’s provision. It’s protection. It’s restraint. It’s the man who goes without so his family doesn’t have to. It’s the man who stands in front when danger comes.” (@turnedhousewife, X, 05/10/2025)

You can and I encourage you to watch the video clip on X I refer to from the series. That, Adam’s anguish, is what abortion does to men. https://x.com/LilaGraceRose/status/1929922920018784603

On this Father’s Day I say thank you, to my pop, Rich Buyce, and all the fathers, and grandfathers, out there. And to those who were robbed of fatherhood – know that we see you. We pray for you. And stand with you.  ~ Heather Vasquez


Insert Gala Plug – Saturday September 20th, Edmonds.
Be there or be square! 

A “woman by her very nature is maternal – for every woman, whether married or unmarried, is called upon to be a biological, psychological, or spiritual mother – she knows intuitively that to give, to nurture, to care for others, to suffer with and for them – for maternity implies suffering – is infinitely more valuable in God’s sight than to conquer nations and fly to the moon.” 

~ Alice Von Hildebrand

During an episode of her podcast, “IMO with Michelle Obama & Craig Robinson” former First Lady Michelle Obama stated, “Women’s reproductive health is about our life. It’s about this whole complicated reproductive system that the least of what it does is produce life.”

Yes, you read that correctly.

A  woman’s unique ability to grow a human life inside her body is “the least of” what the reproductive system is for.

Now I can proceed to expound on all the ways this “complicated reproductive system” was created by God for the express purpose of procreation. That for us, as women, it is a gift to be granted the honor of being ‘co-creators’ with God 

In the Encyclical letter titled “The Humanae Vitae” by Paul VI he states that the ‘sexual act’ must in all ways “retain its intrinsic relationship to the procreation of human life (Humanae Vitae 11). And that the reason is that the “fundamental nature of the marriage act, while uniting husband and wife in the closest intimacy, also renders them capable of generating new life.” (Humanae Vitae 12)

Or I can go another direction for those with a leaning more toward simple biology. 

According to the National Institute of Health “The female reproductive system comprises internal and external organs that facilitate menstruation and procreation. This organ system is responsible for producing gametes (termed eggs or ova), regulating sex hormones, and maintaining fertilized eggs as they develop into mature fetuses ready for delivery.”  (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK537132/)

So whether you wax philosophical, analytical, contemplative, or theological I think we can all agree that, in fact, the miracle of creating and sustaining new life is the “most”, if not all, of what a woman’s reproductive system does. 

 I sometimes wonder, in this age of the erasing of femininity and the scorning and avoidance of a woman’s natural cycle, if supporters of choice (and Mrs. Obama) despise their own sex. 

“A feminist is someone who loathes being a woman and who dislikes the chief feminine characteristics.” — Gilbert K. Chesterton

I for one am most fortunate and content to be a woman and a mother. And humbled to be counted among those who possess  XX chromosomes.

The woman’s soul is fashioned as a shelter in which other souls
may unfold. – Edith Stein

Wow. That is a powerful statement and a strong testament to the gift God has conferred upon women. The gift of motherhood is unlike any other. He allowed us to be His co-creators in life! 

How fundamental is the role of a mother in not only the life and character of her children but in the family unit as a whole. 

When we proclaim our championship of the unborn we need not forget his mother and her singular uniqueness and grace. God chose her to be a vessel for life. That’s no small thing. 

This leads me to a brief comment on a Bill in Texas that has, as of April 22nd, been withdrawn from Texas’ current legislative session. You can read about HB 2197 Here

Essentially the bill was about criminalizing women who want to abort their children with the death penalty as a possible repercussion. (!!) To be honest I am not certain where I stand on this. Abortion is a crime against humanity and murder, no question. And yet…

But given what I see each day I do have in inkling of where my heart lies. I do know that here at Next Step we have many women seeking information about all options. It is very rare that we see a woman who is determined to abort. Not unheard of but not common.

Our nurses have had over 250 medical appointments this year so far and of those 105 were ultrasounds. There were 123 pregnancy tests performed this year so far with 104 of those being positive. And of those pregnancies 24 of them were determined as “Abortion Vulnerable” which simply put means that they are not decided on their plan for the pregnancy yet. Maybe they are unmarried. Maybe they are alone. Maybe its lack of finances. Maybe they are in school. Maybe they are very young. Maybe they are being pressured. Maybe they are simply afraid and uncertain. The reasons for their hesitancy go on. 

But I do know this – women with unplanned pregnancies undecided about abortion deserve information about compassionate alternatives offered at hundreds of pregnancy centers (like Next Step), maternity homes, adoption centers, and church-based ministries. Not the threat of prison time and more. That, in fact, may keep them from seeking any help for themselves and their unborn child. 

I do not know the answers on this but I do believe that it says in Proverbs 38:8 “Speak out on behalf of the voiceless, and for the rights of all who are vulnerable”.

I believe that relates to those facing an unplanned pregnancy who are insecure and are the very vulnerable people we serve. We are called to be compassionate, not called to cast stones. 

Make motherhood great again!

I read the following by @turnedwife on X about motherhood and believe, not that it goes without saying, but that it needs to and should be said. 

“In every civilization, the status of mothers determines the status of children. When motherhood is honored, children are seen as blessings, worthy of care, protection, and sacrifice. 

When motherhood is degraded, children inevitably become burdens, trophies, or commodities. Modern culture’s contempt for motherhood, portraying it as a waste of potential, a life half-lived – has not liberated women. It has dehumanized the next generation. Abortion, broken families, surrogate markets, and declining birth rates are not isolated phenomena. 

They are the inevitable fruit of a society that scoffs at the sacredness of mothers. To honor mothers is to defend the future. To dishonor them is to invite civilizational death.”

I want to leave you with this on this Mother’s Day weekend, “labor may render every woman a novice but pregnancy renders every woman a child.” (The Frozen River, Ariel Lawhon, page 303).

Have a blessed Mother’s Day to all mothers, grandmothers, moms-to-be, adoptive and foster mothers, and those who are loved and called, “mom”. 
Especially to my own mommy – Patricia.
Love you. ~ Heather M Vasquez

“The soul becomes dyed with the colour of its thoughts.”― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

The desire to suppress ovulation because it is believed to hinder potential and the ability to do so equals sovereignty over one’s body is nothing short of a lie. But it’s a lie that many young women believe. In fact 25% of women aged 15-29 use some form of birth control. When I researched some reasons for this I found a very similar theme throughout. Aside from pregnancy prevention and relief from period pain and irregularity the common thread was jurisdiction over readiness to start a family and the desire to be unencumbered. 

To be free to enjoy the act while being free of any potential consequences. Command over your future and your body. I need to add that, for some, the pain and stress that accompany a cycle is very real – but how about we address the underlying cause rather than throw a pill at it?

But does open access to birth control really correspond to freedom? Or is it simply an illusion? 

I recently found and started following a person on X that, in my estimation, has a brilliant grasp on the truths of women, feminism, and motherhood. I try not to spend much time ‘scrolling’ but wow, I could not get enough of this person’s words. They just brought so much clarity to so much of what I believe and what I see each day at Next Step Pregnancy Services. 

She’s called “The Feminist Turned Housewife” and can be found under @turnedwife

This was something I found recently and it really sparked my interest because of our foray into FEMM (Fertility Education and Medical Management). I am more than halfway through the course and preparing for the exam to become a Certified FEMM instructor. The experience has been many things. Eye-opening, challenging and impressive. 

Especially as a mother to two daughters the things I have learned about ovulation, about hormones, about ordo amoris – Latin for “order of love” or “rightly ordered loves” – and so much more! About the perfect structure of the female body and the precise and beautiful system He created to bring about new life. Not something to be suppressed, avoided, and dreaded. 

Here is what @turnedwife said about birth control and her words could not have been more fitting. 

Before birth control, women had more power. Modern culture calls it “liberation,” but the truth is more complicated. Birth control didn’t free women. It weakened their leverage. The irony? Before reliable contraception, women controlled access to sex by controlling the terms:

– Courtship

– Commitment

– Marriage

– Family

Men had to prove themselves worthy, financially, morally, socially, before being granted access. Women had bargaining power. The introduction of easy contraception changed everything. Now, sex could happen without marriage. Without promises. Without investment. And when sex became cheap, women became cheapened. Their primary social power, over reproduction, over family – collapsed. Look at the data:

– Marriage rates fell.

– Divorce rates skyrocketed.

– Out-of-wedlock births exploded.

– Men’s incentives to commit plummeted.

Why commit when intimacy became freely available, no strings attached? It’s no accident that “hookup culture” emerged alongside mass birth control use. The “freedom” promised wasn’t freedom to build something lasting. It was freedom to be used, and discarded. And women paid the highest price. Women were sold a lie: That they could live like men without consequences. But biologically, socially, emotionally – women are not men. And trying to live as if they are has only made them lonelier, more anxious, and more heartbroken. The irony?

Birth control didn’t “level the playing field.” It made the field brutal. It turned natural protectors into casual users. It turned natural nurturers into detached competitors. And it left everyone more miserable. If you want to empower women again, you don’t start by handing out more pills.

You start by rebuilding the structures – marriage, family, modesty, loyalty – that once gave women true dignity and leverage. That is real empowerment.

Our daughters deserve more. And above all they deserve to be honored, cherished, and celebrated for the beauty, resilience, and gifts they bring. That is and will always be something we believe and offer to the women and girls that visit us here at Next Step Pregnancy Services.

In Christ, Heather M Vasquez

P.S. Yes I am taking this quick opportunity to let you know that it’s that time again! Save the Dates will be in the mail soon for our annual celebration which will be held on Saturday September 20th at Holy Rosary in Edmonds. I truly hope you can join us. 

I’ve noticed something about people who make a difference in the world: They hold the unshakable conviction that individuals are extremely important, that every life matters. They get excited over one smile. They are willing to feed one stomach, educate one mind, and treat one wound. They aren’t determined to revolutionize the world all at once; they’re satisfied with small changes. Over time, though, the small changes add up. Sometimes they even transform cities and nations, and yes, the world.”

Beth Clark

Dame Laura Knight – The Flower, 1912.

May the solemnity of Good Friday remind us of the immense love and sacrifice of Jesus Christ. 

As we enter into the final days of the Lenten season I wanted to share something that I saw recently. It was on a television program called “1923”. The show has its good and bad I suppose like any but there was one episode, the last one in fact of the season, that really struck me. I’m hoping none of this spoils the ending for anyone – it aired last weekend! If you have not seen it and plan to – do not read on!!

Anyway, The main focus for the episode was the culmination of two journeys. To the same place in fact. One character, Alex, was traveling from England to Montana. As you can imagine, in 1923, this was not as easy or swift as it is now. This young woman was traveling to Montana to meet up with her husband, Spencer, on his ranch. She was also carrying his child. 

The journey was harrowing to say the least. From a long journey by boat to Ellis Island in New York with its perils for a young woman traveling alone to then a long train ride from New York to Montana with various obstacles in the way. At one point the train could go no further due to winter snows stranding her near Winnetka Illinois pregnant, penniless, and alone. By a stroke of kindness a young English couple who she meets on the train offer to drive her to her destination. Wow. Ok. But alas, due to the brutal winter snows and the fact that in 1923 there were a lot more miles of empty fields and forest than there were 7-11’s and Chevrons, the car ran low on gas and eventually was stopped by the huge snowdrifts. Sadly the couple both perished from the cold. And Alex, alone in the car in the middle of nowhere awaits her fate while building small fires with whatever she can find. 

Lo and behold the very train her husband Spencer is on flies by where the car is stopped and Spencer happens to see her by the tracks next to a car in flames.

Ok, now I know a fast moving train and him happening to see her outside as it flies by is a leap but wait for it.

Like the romantic hero he is, he leaps from the train to get to his wife Alex. The reunion is bittersweet and definitely swoonworthy. 

They make it back to the train where a fellow passenger who happens to be a physician declares Alex in dire need of amputation due to severe hypothermia. Unfortunately, Alex’s body was weakened from the hours of frostbite she had endured, requiring amputations and surgery that would have rendered her unable to care for her as yet unborn child in the crucial hours that would determine his fate. 

Where am I going with this? Stay with me.

Alex’s legs and one hand had gone completely necrotic. The limbs needed to be amputated to save her life. The doctors argued that the preemie baby was too underdeveloped to survive outside the womb. They advised to abort and get Alex to surgery. As they begin to warm her up, Alex asks about her baby’s health. “The female form is a miracle. They can withstand physical hardship well beyond that of men, especially when with child. If there is a  way to protect the child your body will find it.” says the good doctor. 

Alex makes it to the hospital in Bozeman where it is quickly determined that she is in active labor. The little boy is born of his mother’s womb 3 months early, so roughly 30 weeks. And the emergency doctor says “It’s best not to become attached. Its lungs are not developed enough to survive the hour…” his voice trails off as the cries of her son are heard. Alex says, “So be it, give me the hour.”

Alex refuses the instruction to be prepped for surgery while offering her breast to her son. Stating, “A mother that would choose herself over her child is no mother at all.”

She and Spencer are reunited again very briefly before she succumbs to her injuries and passes away in his arms. Their child survives.Now I know this can be framed as “Hollywood” dramatics and I admit I’m a sucker for a doomed love story but it was a powerful statement of love and sacrifice just the same. Much like Christ in His final hours on the cross – for us.

Throughout history there have been many stories of mothers sacrificing themselves for their children. A beautiful, more recent, example is Saint Gianna Beretta Molla. This pediatrician and mother died on Easter morning 1962 after declining cancer treatment that could have harmed her unborn daughter. “With great faith and courage, Gianna Molla made the choice that enabled her daughter to be born. We can often wish that we were in different circumstances, but holiness frequently comes from making difficult choices in bad situations.” (https://www.franciscanmedia.org/saint-gianna-beretta-molla/)

As we reflect on the Paschal Triduum I know I’ll be thinking of the women who come to Next Step, pregnant, and anxious for their future, and the many sacrifices that will most certainly come with choosing life. 

Have a blessed Easter.

~Heather Vasquez

Thank you to the wonderful volunteers from the Frassati Newman Group and the Young Adults from St. John and Holy Family for beautifying the Next Step flower beds for Spring. Also thank you to Board members Marilyn, Byron, and Julianna and kids Scarlett and Chloe!

Recently I saw a comment and discussion making the rounds on social media that caught my eye. I try very hard not to get sucked into “conversations” with strangers on the internet or to allow myself to react to foolish people. And I did not engage here either but I did read the post and the subsequent comments. I wanted to share with you what I concluded. 

The gist of the post (which originated from Lila Rose, President and Founder of LiveAction, a pro-life organization) was on the morality of offering someone congratulations on a pregnancy which occurred out of wedlock. I paused here because it landed very close to home. Not only in my work at Next Step but in my own personal story. 

My first child was born out of wedlock. I was not married to her father nor was I necessarily planning to marry him any time soon.  At the time he was unfortunately trapped by addiction (and still is to my knowledge). You might ask, well why be with someone who is clearly not capable of being in a committed relationship let alone being a father? Good question. Well, I have no answer other than I was young, naive, and wholly without a realistic view on love, marriage, or responsibility. 

When I found out I was pregnant I was understandably terrified. I was raised in a good Catholic home and my parents were good people (still are!). How could I face them with this? I had been completely and utterly irresponsible. The first person I told however was not my parents, nor my on again off again boyfriend but a priest whom I knew from the church we attended. He also ran the young adult Catholic group I’d been circling. It was as the group was walking out of a local dive in Renton following a rousing conversation that I dropped my huge news on his lap. He smiled, nodded, and said – “Oh. What a blessing.” And that was that. 

I talked to my mother next and then my father. They expressed their joy at the prospect of a child. They gently chided me and “wished it were under different circumstances”. But then they leaned into it. And I leaned into them. 

A baby is always a blessing no matter how he or she came into our world. Every person was placed here on earth on purpose for a purpose. 

Back to the original post. At Next Step every day young women come in that have a child or are pregnant. And sometimes they come alone though many times the father of the baby is with her though they are unmarried. As a professed Christian sex outside of marriage is not the path God shaped for any of us. And that road is not what Next Step promotes or hopes for. But we meet every woman no matter what. No matter why. No matter her past or current circumstances because we are called to love. 

My baby is turning 25 this year. She was a surprise and a delight. Things were not easy and not smooth. The road ahead was often obscured. But I’ve never forgotten the gentle acknowledgement and encouragement I was surrounded by at my news. It shaped such a large part of what came after, not just as a mother, but as a person. Had I been shunned, or rebuked by my parents and loved ones, I’m 100% sure I would not be here today. Or here in happiness and commitment anyway. And that is what we work hard to offer at Next Step. Acknowledgment, Encouragement. Education. Rest. Truth. 

Thank you for continuing to help Next Step thrive. 

~ Heather Vasquez